BTS's Magic Shop and Mental Health
By Samuel Liang | He/Him/His
TW: This article mentions suicide, self-injurious behavior, anxiety, or other mentions of mental health disorders. Continue at your own discretion. If you or someone you know are in need of help or want to talk to someone, please dial the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
It wasn’t until May 6, 2021, that I was formally diagnosed by my doctor with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). And I was prescribed medication for a while, but it wasn’t helping, so I discussed with my doctor if I could do talk therapy instead, and he was okay with it. The problem is - I still have yet to see a mental health professional about my anxiety.
December 2022, and I had the biggest argument with my family that made me want to take my own life. And my dad, as much as I love him, I hate him. And I know this is so not Buddhist of me, but this is me being honest. My dad is truly a conservative. He says he’s moderate, but he sounds more conservative than ever. In fact, I don’t even remember what my argument with my family was about, all I do remember was, my dad threatened to kick me out of the house and cut me off of everything. I was hurt so much on the inside, all I did for the rest of the week was stay inside my room and cry.
While that was going on, I was inside my room, a mess, my head was hurting because I kept hearing voices in my head, and I even rehearsed in my head how I wanted to take my life. I really wanted to end it all, but I could never commit to it. It took a video call with one of my closest friends to calm myself and a call to the 988 number. And listening to BTS.
While I am no longer thinking about taking my own life anymore, it doesn’t mean these thoughts won’t come back. But I will do my best to keep them at bay. And this is after remembering that, as a BTS fan, there is a song that has a special meaning to me after listening to them multiple times. “Magic Shop” which is a song written by BTS is about a place of refuge for the heartbroken, a place of healing for the disturbed, and a place of love for those who are lonely. And I realized, that I needed to enter the Magic Shop. The lyrics state “When I hate being myself, when I just want to disappear forever, I open one door and there I was in your heart. If you open that door and come in, I’ll be waiting for you there.” Meaning that, when I enter the Magic Shop, I will be greeted by fans alike, friends, family, and BTS to comfort me.
“Love Myself, Love Yourself.”
— RM of BTS
If there’s any Buddhist value that fits our theme of healing and mental health, it is self-care and self-love. It took two public figures to take a step back from the public eye, to start the conversation regarding that mental health is still health. Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka, two, well respected athletes, despite being well-known, made us remember, no matter who we are as a person, we’re still human. And that’s what they did when they took a step back from the spotlight. To focus on their own well-being.
