How to Find Fulfillment After College
By Nancy Nguyen | She/her/hers | Los Angeles, CA
We spend the first twenty-two years of our lives in a structured and scheduled routine where we progress through grade levels in approximately the same timeline that our peers do. We are all around the same age, learning pretty much the same things, and experiencing life in a cookie-cutter format. Yes - there are slight differences depending on who your friends were, your homelife, where you went to school, or even if you decided to attend school at all. But overall, the decisions of you and your peers have led you to essentially the same destination. So, it’s not surprising that you may have found yourself lost and confused when on graduation day it all disappears. Structure is all that we knew.
The decisions you’ve made in your life are all accumulated until that point, and this is where you begin to see the biggest divergence in the quality of life that you lead compared to others. Aside from getting married and buying a house, which by the way, are both things that are becoming less sought after as society moves away from traditional familial roles and the state of the economy is not conducive for younger generations to obtain that kind of wealth, there aren’t any more milestones to hit. So what do you do? Do you just work all day for forty years until you reach retirement? All of a sudden, your life-long friends become busier with their jobs, families, or they move to a new city. Or just simply, you may have found yourself out-growing old friendships, and that’s okay too. Maybe, you realized that your dream job turned out to not be what you actually wanted.
First off, give yourself a hug and say out loud that you’re proud of yourself (Cringe - I know! But, trust me). Graduating college is not a small feat no matter what society or the media tells you. According to research findings from Harvard and the Asian Development Bank, only 7% of the world’s population have four-year bachelor degrees and is predicted to grow only by 1% in a decade. Take that in and find the appreciation that you attended a higher-educational institution and have a shot at opportunities that unfortunately many people don’t. Now, here’s a list of things that you can do to help regain that passion and fire for life - a life that you are proud of and excited to wake up to everyday.
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Solidify your self-love and self-compassion
Fortunately, I’m glad to tell you that happy fulfillment is already inside of you. The light of life shines from deep inside of your body and inner world. All you need to do is tap into the pool. Say nice things to yourself. Take the time to appreciate your body and mind for taking care of you for all this time. Realize there is life all around you and that for each and every breath you take, you are connecting and contributing to what makes the world so wonderful. Decide to not run on the hedonic treadmill, a metaphor for the human tendency to become used to one thing then always seeking more, thus never becoming fully satisfied. That fancy job title, materialistic items, and fame can only go so far. Take care of yourself as if you were a small child. Eat nutritious meals, sleep well, do random acts of kindness, exercise, meditate, and savor the present moment. That is really all that we truly have.
Spend a lot of time alone
When was the last time you sat with yourself and created a list of things that you love and activities that bring you joy with no outside influence? Become comfortable in your own presence and become your best friend. For me, it’s Studio Ghibli movies, petting cute dogs, and reading books by female BIPOC authors. Yours could be as simple as a cup of tea or having a bed full of plushies that engulf you as you sleep. But really take the time to list everything that brings you joy - and see how much you can incorporate that into your daily life. I try to do at least one thing everyday, for me and just for me.
Redefine the person you want to be
This is a new chapter in your life and the perfect opportunity to learn new habits. Maybe it’s eating more vegetables. Maybe you want to be more social. For me, I wanted to stop my people-pleasing tendencies and be more assertive in setting boundaries. If you want to be more knowledgeable about the world, take up reading or a free online class. If you want to build confidence and leadership, try volunteering and take initiative on a cause that you care about. You could also set a long-term goal like attending grad school or opening up your own business. Whatever it is, your choice is the best choice for you. Try it and see how it works out for you. In my experience, the results are extraordinary.
Be intentional with who you spend time with
Dr. David McClelland, a Harvard social psychologist, predicted that the people you associate with determine up to 95% of your failures or successes. You pick up on the habits of the people around you. Furthermore, multiple studies show that it’s the quality, not quantity, that gives people that feeling of contentment and social fulfillment. This isn’t saying to instantly drop your friends. But rather give priority to the ones that nurture, support, and accept you fully for who you are. Since we have significantly less time in our schedules, it’s important to set aside the time to water our friendships. Healthy friendships are give-and-take and are mutually fulfilling. Go to where you are appreciated and you feel comfortable communicating your needs with each other. Remember to live in a world of abundance, and never lower your standards because you deserve people who love you.
Get into a flow state with hobbies
Cooking, painting, producing music, thrifting, make-up, snowboarding, crocheting. There are so many new activities that you can try out or work on the ones that you already have. The goal here is to reach a flow state, or otherwise known as “being in the zone.” It is when you are completely absorbed in something and your attention is purely focused on the activity. For example, you are painting and all you think about is the color of the paint you're mixing, the brush stroke as it glides on the canvas, the smell of the paint filling the room. Psychologists say that reaching this state results in feelings of greater enjoyment, energy, and involvement. It doesn’t matter if you're good at it or not because it’s all for you.
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I hope these tips help you in rediscovering your excitement for everyday life after college. It isn’t exactly the safety structure that we had in school, but it allows you to set your own schedule and rubric. Try not to become overwhelmed if you can’t do all of these things at once. Most, if not all, of these tips are essentially building life-long skills. Everything is impermanent and you’re constantly changing everyday, so you continuously have to take the time to slow down to reassess. If you’re already doing all of these things and more, that’s great! Please let me know what else has been working for you. I wish you luck on your journey and remember to enjoy it for every step of the way.
