Being Mindful of Pronouns
By Allison Tanaka | She/Her/Hers | Seattle Betsuin Youth Minister's Assistant
Originally Published: February 15th, 2020
"In compassion lies the world’s true strength."
As we all know, pronouns are used as a way of referring to one another, when we are not using their name. For example in the third person, someone would say, “Katie did not clean her dishes” or “Dylan is taking his time.” In addition to this, pronouns are also a way of portraying our identities and expressing who we are. When people identify as gender neutral or gender fluid, they may prefer to go by the pronouns “they/them.” A person’s pronouns are personal to them, and they get to decide what they want to be referred by. As there continues to be more comfortability in “coming out” within the LGBTQ+ movement, we must understand that there are people in our communities who embody all sorts of gender and sexual identities. Different identities should not be overlooked or forgotten due to our convenience to make conclusions or decisions for them. People do not always mention their pronouns when you first meet them, therefore it can be really easy to assume or guess someone’s pronouns, judging by how a person talks, what they look like, or how they might dress. This can lead to a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of one’s gender and identity, causing them to feel misunderstood, shameful, or unsafe. I know that we may not always remember to think of pronouns due to our automatic responses and judgements, but we can easily take steps into a positive and respectful direction. It is important to be aware that different pronouns exist and you can never know how someone identifies until they have communicated and expressed it. When someone asks you to use their pronouns, they are asking you for respect of their identity. When someone refers to another person using the wrong pronouns, especially on purpose, that can lead to that person feeling disrespected and can lead to dysphoria, exclusion and alienation. Choosing to ignore or disrespect someone’s pronouns is an act of violence. Not everyone has the privilege of identifying within what is accepted in the social norm, so we must have acceptance for all.
“Different identities should not be overlooked or forgotten due to our convenience to make conclusions or decisions for them.”
In the eightfold path, we are given eight practices to live by to achieve a meaningful and fulfilling life. Right Mindfulness reminds us to be aware, alert, and mindful, putting aside greed and distress with reference to the world. We can achieve this by focusing on feelings in and out of ourselves. Buddhism reminds us to be aware of others to help us stray away from our own selfishness and greed, anger, and ignorance. Disrespecting peoples’ pronouns is a product of our ignorance through the inability to respect and acknowledge ones individual identity. Instead, we must be compassionate to all beings around us regardless of their pronoun preferences. Compassion is expressed in our willingness to understand; compassion means that we are able to empathize and work toward understanding others and through right mindfulness, we can be open-minded and stray away from judgements and responses of ignorance. People have their own identities and way of expressing themselves, and thus, we should not react within our close-minded thoughts. We can make these actions for ourselves and also teach others as well. Everyone, regardless of their gender or sexual identity, deserves to be treated with compassion.
In closing,
Understand the suffering of worldly existence. Abandon its causes of ignorance and selfishness. Practice the path of meditation and compassion. Awaken from suffering within Great Peace.
Namo Amida Butsu
